I need a way to convert old 1.x databases to 2.x, but my hosting won't let me install a 1.x board because the php version is above what it needs to be to install it. Is there a way to convert them without installing a board? I'm going a little nuts trying to make these work.
Yes you could. what I suggest install SMF 2.0.13
Replace the database with your old database.
Then run the upgrade package for 2.0.13
Depends how early a 1.1 version was running. May be necessary to first upgrade to 1.1.21, then 2.0.15. You might also have difficulty running the upgrade if php version is too high, upgrader is fussy about that.
Another option: being on a host with multilevel PHP so you can switch between PHP versions.