It's already set:
Max width of posted pictures (0 = disable)
Max height of posted pictures (0 = disable)
BUT The problem is FOUNDI have formated my disk
installed win2003 + all programs as discribed before (even php 5)
copied the databases + php files from smf
started and the problem was back

removed the database, removed smf
installed a fresh smf
and it runs fast

copied back my database & it goes slow again

so the problem was in the database ! (i tought)

after
3 days off hard working the problem was
1 avatar ? :'( :'( :'(
this avatar was located outside the smf folder and gived the problem (there was nothing wrong with: extension, size ....)
This is the avatar:

and still if i use this one as avatar, everything goes wrong. (if i choose: "I will upload my own picture:", then it is ok)
tomorow i will start to search WHY smf react so badley on this avatar.

in mean time we have made TOGHETER the solution & are my settings for the sql/ php/ apache OK!
THANK YOU ALL TO HELP ME !!!VerBam Danny