database server settings problem

[Rooster1]

Cannot connect to the database server with the supplied data.

If you are not sure about what to type in, please contact your host.
Lost connection to MySQL server at 'reading initial communication packet', system error: 111

The above is the error message I get when I launched the installer and tried the settings.  this is a total new site with rc5.  do I need to upload  MySQL from somewhere, the host assures me that we have the right passwords but I still get this message

[JimM]

Welcome to SMF.

Did you create the database user and password in your host control panel before attempting the install?  Take a look at the installation documentation linked in my signature.  It has some good information that you might find beneficial.

[Rooster1]

no, I had not because it said that it would try to create it if needed.  so then I did create one, and that isn't working either

[busterone]

In the db server area, the default is localhost, but many hosts use something different. Have you checked what your sql server host name is? It will tell you in your host's control panel.

[JimM]

Normally "localhost" is what you would use if the database and site files reside on the same server.  As busterone stated, you should be able to find out from your host exactly what you should use.