You haven't offended me, because you still don't seem to get it... And ignorance is curable.
First... Your assumption of a formal development project is sadly confused. You seem to think that this is a company with paid employees that can be forced or threaten firing... This is an open source, volunteer project. No one gets paid. Everything is done by volunteers and all efforts are GIVEN to the project, and thus the community. So, demanding milestones, etc is just not going to happen. We tried a more formal project process... The developers revolted, the team was unhappy. So, we stopped. Because, for us, this is a work of passion, not a job.
And that is why certain behaviors get the response that you see. We spend our 8 hours a day at our normal jobs... And then we get online and spend hours more helping the community here... reviewing mods and themes... And developing code for both improvements to the current version and the next version.
So, yes... We get a little testy when people show up and act entitled... Or pretend to know what it takes to develop and support a project of this size. I am known for being extremely blunt. Yep... I get criticized for it fairly regularly... I don't mince words. I say what I mean and don't sugar coat it with flowery language. Usually, the only people that this actually offends are the ones who did something that deserved a slap-down anyway. Sometimes others, who are used to everyone acting all nicey nice. To them, I say: come and and welcome to the real world and the Internet.

Yup, I said that you were wrong.
How, in any real world is that "spitting on a new user"??
You made a statement. I told you that statement is incorrect and proceeded to explain why.
That's called education.
I also never called the community whiners. I called very specific Individuals whiners and/or idiots. Those people who I have called such have established their credentials, and I am just calling it out.
So, no... I am not elitist in the least. I will gladly spend my time coaching a person through setup, configuration and customization of their forum and site... I, and the rest of the team welcome questions and seek to help those who are looking for help. What I ( and I suspect others) are sick of and get snarky about are the entitled individuals who have nothing better to do than criticize... But are not actually willing to step up and contribute.
I have a sign which I just got for our local dog park... We spent 7 years and $300,000 getting this park built, and, just like here, there are people who feel they have an entitled right to criticize the speed that things happen, without actually understanding and without actually participating.
"Before you complain...
... Have you volunteered yet?"
That pretty much sums it up.
No bullying involved.
Regarding the other comment on the awkwardness... I agree to some level... But disagree with your global statements